


The Great Shrimp Hunt

by khilari, Persephone_Kore



Series: Nikola AU [3]
Category: Girl Genius
Genre: F/M, Hunting, Shrimp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-09 22:16:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3266327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khilari/pseuds/khilari, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persephone_Kore/pseuds/Persephone_Kore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "Interior Decorating". Bill and Barry take the Jägers out to stop other people's monsters from menacing the tourists.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Shrimp Hunt

* * *

Bill's talk with Lucrezia degenerated into shouting loud enough to penetrate (faintly) Castle walls that had been constructed to prevent screams of agony from interfering with anybody's reading time. Barry felt a little guilty for engaging in quiet celebration with Nikola instead of backing up his brother when he'd contributed to the problem, at least by being oblivious; on the other hand, the way Bill and Lucrezia's fights ended was one of the least inaccurate features of Heterodyne plays, and Bill certainly didn't need his help with that. 

Anyway, Nikola deserved some fussing over. Not in retaliation for pranking him with the Jägers, even though if you asked Nikola she _despised_ being coddled. What she actually hated was any situation that smacked of being an invalid. There was an energy to her that left her restless when she couldn't indulge it, betrayed when it was drained by illness or injury. She didn't like feeling helpless. She didn't like waiting for other people to do things. She didn't like waiting at _all_. 

She resented the nausea less now that it was the result of an ongoing project rather than a disease, not to mention now that she had a remedy for it, but between the days of illness and the days of fuming about Lucrezia, even when she was happy Barry had to exert himself to get her to unknot. Not that he minded. (And yes, he rubbed her feet. One of the few things Bill didn't know and wasn't likely to find out about his friend was that when they were alone this practically turned her into a puddle.) She smelled like ginger from Gkika's tea; she told him of her heartfelt relief when Gkika had judged her sufficiently replenished to stop salting it. 

It was by no means just for her sake that he asked her along when he told the Jägers they were going hunting. Even if she was suspicious. 

"You don't need me to help you talk to your own generals," said Nikola. "At least, you really shouldn't."

"I know." Barry sighed. "Come anyway?"

Of course she did. Gkika and Khrizhan joined them on Tiny Monster Island and found them flicking bits of spoiled cheese to the tiny monsters. Gkika frowned from Barry to the sun to a watch she pulled out of her cleavage. "Iz ve late?" 

"No, we came early," said Barry.

"Ho! Vell, den." Khrizhan took a handful of the bad cheese and then bowed and presented Nikola with a wrapped parcel, thankfully with the other hand. "Vith compliments from General Goomblast."

"It's warm," Nikola said, sounding rather bemused -- and of course immediately starting to unwrap it. "What _is_ this?"

"You can't smell ginger at all right now, can you?" Barry asked. 

She made a face at him as she revealed a plate of gingerbread, so fresh it steamed in the open air. "Well, _now_ I can." 

Nikola handed each of them a piece before biting into one and making a muffled noise of delight. (Which was, Barry discovered, entirely justified.) 

"He chust took it out of de oven in time to send vith us," Khrizhan said, looking pleased. 

Barry blinked, looked at Nikola, and was slightly relieved to find that she also looked surprised at this information. "It's delicious," he said. "I didn't know he baked." 

"Ho, yez," Gkika said enthusiastically. "Hyu should try his bog pie." Nikola made a choked noise at this, which fortunately only turned out to be an attempt to laugh with a mouthful of gingerbread. "Hoo... or maybe not." 

"Maybe I will," Barry said, amused. "Depending on the choice of bug." They moved over to one of the tall picnic tables that dotted the island in lieu of juggling the plate. The grinning skull decorations looming over each of them were actually Bill and Barry's contribution rather than their ancestors', as it had turned out that innocent-looking tables standing about not far off the safe paths tended to give tourists misleading ideas. "Anyway, Bill and I are planning a hunting trip of sorts. Word is travel is getting chancier through some of the nearby passes than we want it to be."

Gkika's ears pricked up. "Und hyu vanted uz to come?"

"Yes. You specifically, and pick out... probably one or two hundred of the horde. Taking everybody at once seems a little excessive, but there will be other chances."

Khrizhan and Gkika shared a look. "Ve'd better pick dem before ve tell dem, or dere's gonna be a lot of aggressive volunteering," said Gkika wryly.

"There are a lot of valleys," said Nikola. "We found that idiot with the fungus what, two hundred kilometers north of here? Only a few years back."

Barry paused for a moment to avoid sounding irritated when he said, "I'm not sure that's really the best example." That idiot with the fungus had been the Chatelaine of Red Glass, and the topic of a minor explosion when Nikola and Lucrezia admitted to deciding they preferred to kill rather than capture her. 

"The point is," Nikola said firmly, "there will be a _lot_ of other chances."

"Zo," said Khrizhan carefully, eyes on the monsters he was flicking cheese to. "This is not a vun time thing?"

Nikola sent a bit of cheese arcing into a distant pond. Barry told himself this was a foolish thing to worry about. They were talking about their own lands -- well, more or less. Mostly. The exact boundaries of Heterodyne lands were a little vague but were generally understood to include at least the practical range of the Torchmen. They weren't authorizing raids or conquest. "As she said, there are a lot of valleys. Should be quicker to clear out the most troublesome wildlife with you along." 

...Perhaps that hadn't been the _most_ tactful way to put it.

It seemed to work though. "Ve'll pass der vord around," Khrizhan said, sounding less careful and more cheerful. "Vhen is hyu planning der first vun?"

"Ah," said Barry. "Next time Bill and Lucrezia take a break from each other's... throats. So maybe day after tomorrow. If you think you'll be ready."

"Hyu think they'll be finished by den?" Gkika asked, smirking.

"Not really," Barry said, almost straight-faced, "but they might need a rest."

Khrizhan laughed, booming from his chest. "Ve ken be ready, no problem."

* * *

Bill was available two days later, which was just as well, because _one_ day later the town found itself hosting a small and distressed party who said they had been attacked by spear-wielding rainbows. Nikola's first reaction was "I'm sorry, what?" which she supposed was probably unfair since they'd most likely react the same way to finding out one of her friends was a sentient magnet. Barry assured them personally that he wouldn't let it happen again and alerted Bill and the generals that their quarry might have some sort of light-based weapon, maybe for distraction, but they should also prepare for hallucinogenic properties. 

"Hyu got any idea vot dey really are?" Khrizhan asked as they headed out the gates. 

"Not a clue," Bill said. "The description doesn't match anything I'm familiar with, and they didn't come after us last time we were through here."

"Zo," Khrizhan mused. "New, or schmott?"

Bill threw him a startled look and then, Nikola was pleased to see, grinned. "Probably one of those."

They traced back the route the last group of travelers had taken and, as they approached the pass, had the Jägers spread silently out off to either side of the road while Bill, Barry, and Nikola walked along it and tried to look edible. 

"That looks like a good place for an ambush," Nikola said optimistically, looking ahead to where the path narrowed along a cliffside. 

"Gloves and breath masks, then," Bill said. 

Nikola sighed. It wasn't that it was a bad idea to take precautions. It was just embarrassing that it apparently required pregnancy to prompt them to start _thinking_ of any.

They donned appropriate protective gear, but it turned out to be unnecessary. They hadn't even quite reached the cliff when there was a sudden loud scuffle from a crevice about halfway up it, followed by a triumphant bellow of, "HOY! Hy got hyu rainbow right here!" as Vencel emerged from the rocks.

"This I have to see." Bill darted ahead to scale the cliffside like an enthusiastic mountain goat. 

And then _kept_ going, joined by Vencel and briefly trailing a brightly colored corpse, as more of the creatures boiled out of the crevice and erupted from the rock wall ahead. 

Barry and Nikola managed to shoot down a couple even as several Jägers closed in to guard them. Nikola was paying attention to the battle, really she was -- but she still noticed that Bill and Vencel, having reached the clifftop to make a stand, regarded the giant multicolored shrimp scrambling after them with remarkably similar grins. 

The shrimp were agile, numerous, swarmed easily up the rocks, and wielded claws shaped like spears or hammers, snapping out with the speed and force of a bullet. The tourists had been lucky to get away. She and Bill and Barry might even have been in trouble if they'd managed to flush them all at once like this, although that didn't seem likely without the Jägers all over the valley. They'd probably have spent days trying to root them all out. 

With Jägers all over the valley, well....

Bill and Vencel eventually made their way down off the cliff, and the Jägers spread out further, scouring the valley and the mountainsides until there was almost literally no stone left unturned. They brought back shrimp carcasses and piled them up under guard by the side of the road.

They probably could have gone home that night, but they pitched the tents anyway. Bill wanted to check a wider area tomorrow, just in case. Nikola caught the Jägers giving the heap of shrimp strangely wistful looks as they set up tents and laid bonfires, and finally cornered Khrizhan when she caught _him_ doing it. "I know they're pretty, but is there a reason we're apparently getting sentimental?" 

"Ah, vell," said Khrizhan, scratching his head embarrassedly. "Seems a shame to leaf dem lyink around."

Nikola paused and looked at them, then around at the campfires. "Ah... yes?"

"Hyu husband does not like eatink enemies?" he asked.

Nikola blinked. "I am _pretty_ sure the shrimp are not people. At least I certainly hope not at this point."

Khrizhan brightened. "Zo, he vill not mind if the enemies are shrimp? They smell verra tasty."

"I'm sure he--" Nikola turned around and paused. "Okay, where'd they get to?" 

"Chust this way," Khrizhan said helpfully, conducting her around the shrimp and then, logically enough, up to their tent. Nikola led the way in and found Bill and Barry surrounded by lamps, in the middle of a dissection. 

"Nikola!" Barry waved her over. "The visual apparatus in this thing is amazing. Come look at the retina!"

She went over to look and then dragged her attention back on track. "Bill. Barry. Planning on dinner?"

"Oh, yeah." Bill sat up and blinked past the lights at Khrizhan. "...We got a little distracted. Is there a problem?"

Khrizhan gave the dissection a thoughtful look. "Ken ve cook the shrimp?" he asked. "They vould make a good meal."

Bill looked puzzled. "Sure. Sorry, I didn't realize you were waiting for a go-ahead."

Khrizhan grinned at him. "Vanted to make sure. Hy vill go und get started."

Bill transferred the puzzled look to Nikola after Khrizhan left. "Okay. What did I miss this time?"

"They weren't sure how you'd feel about them eating enemies," said Nikola, shrugging. "Given that these enemies are seafood I'm not sure of their logic either."

Bill started to raise a hand to his face, then realized it was covered in shrimp insides and lowered it again. "They don't really expect us to be reasonable about anything, do they."

"Do you expect them to be?" Nikola asked.

He sighed. "...Not really. Fair enough, then." He wrapped up the the compound eye he'd been examining and scraped his hands mostly clean before puffing the freezing engine on it.

"You'll figure each other out eventually," said Nikola.

"Oh, sure, now you're the optimistic one -- _ow_ , Barry, watch it with that thing!" 

"We'll work on it," Barry said, putting down the shrimp spear he had used to poke Bill in the arm and offering Nikola a wry smile. "Although I will admit this one isn't exactly encouraging."

"Remember when I said you weren't so different?" Not that that had been the most tactful response to him asking her out, but still. It was funny in retrospect. "They're trying too hard and so are you, but at least you are trying." And Nikola was quite ridiculously fond of all of them, both Heterodynes and their monsters.

Barry made a face at her and then grinned. "And at least we agree on eating the shrimp?"

Nikola laughed. "Yes."

"Okay," Bill said, stooping to collect the meatier parts of their specimen, "let's go eat some shrimp." He paused, an odd expression coming over his face. "Do you smell ginger?" 

"Gkika must be looking for you, Nikola," Barry said teasingly, pushing open the tent flap to reveal that nearly half the pile of shrimp had already been carried away. 

Nikola suspected Gkika actually wasn't -- yet -- and turned out to be right. It wasn't just ginger. The Jägers might not have been sure they'd be permitted to eat what they fought -- and, for that matter, there had been the possibility that the enemy would turn out to be sentient or mechanical or (admittedly a distant chance) toxic even to Jägers. But the food supplies they'd brought included not just hard-wearing, quick-to-eat rations but a variety of spices. As could be clearly observed during a short walk around the camp.

"Guess we should go on and lay our fire," Bill said. 

Nikola briefly considered smacking him. No, probably not in front of the Jägers. It would just draw attention to his saying ridiculous things. "Or we could just go join your generals. You brought an army out and are still planning to do all the camping tasks yourself, and you say _my_ family doesn't delegate?" 

He glanced at her. "Point taken." Nikola suppressed a sigh of relief. That probably meant he'd caught the unspoken _you're supposed to look like you're in charge, not like you're avoiding them_ too. They went to join Khrizhan and Gkika, who immediately handed Nikola a mug of spicy tea, and Bill started arranging the remains of his shrimp and said lightly, "Looks like everybody came well prepared."

"Ov course!" said Gkika, gesturing to the healthy array of spices nearby. "How do hyu like hyu shrimp?"

Bill managed to look only briefly startled at the invitation, which Nikola decided was progress, and then grinned. "I'm told I am actually the world's most boring cook, so maybe you should advise me." 

Barry smothered a snicker at this maneuver. "Possibly true. Despite Judy's best efforts."

Gkika took over the cooking as much as advising on it, producing coriander, paprika and ginger along with a fresh lemon (really, she'd brought a lemon?) and quickly dressing the cooking shrimp.

"We didn't actually mean to keep everyone waiting," Barry said quietly to Khrizhan. "We said to bring food because for all we knew it could be some kind of glass prism clanks, or something."

"Iz fine," said Khrizhan. "Iz nearly ready anyvay."

Barry took a breath. Nikola kicked him very lightly before he could say anything frustrated or more directly apologetic or both. He hooked his foot around her ankle and said, "Good job today. We'd have been here for weeks otherwise."

Khrizhan looked at him sideways and then said, "Hyu vaste a lot of time dot vay, Hy dun know how hyu haff time for all de adventures." 

Barry raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "Well, okay, we wouldn't really have stayed for weeks. We could have burned out the valley and compacted the cliff, I guess, but we'd have had to clear the road after and I kind of like the trees...."

Khrizhan looked pained. "Iz hyu tellink me," he said, "hyu brought out de Jäger horde becoz ve vould be easier on de landscape?" 

"No!" Barry protested. "We don't usually have to do that!"

"They usually work very hard," Nikola said, trying not to laugh, "to keep the destruction within what they consider reasonable limits."

"You are not helping," Barry growled. "We weren't expecting to have to do anything to the landscape, although we might have if we'd gone alone because we underestimated the spear-wielding rainbow shrimp. ...I cannot believe I just said that."

"Tasty spear-wielding rainbow shrimp," Gkika said, deftly removing pieces from the fire with her claw tips. "Who vants some?"

"Who _wouldn't_?" Bill asked. (Presumably people who couldn't or didn't care to eat seafood. Or Spark-modified food. Nikola was fairly sure neither category was present, unless somebody happened along the road. In which case they were likely to be very confused.) "And I believe Barry's trying to say we thought you'd make the hunt easier -- which you did, thank you -- and Nikola convinced me I'd been being unreasonable to leave you out of everything."

Gkika turned an amused shade of pink and dropped a plate of spiced shrimp in front of Bill. "Zo, hyu is takink uz for valks now?"

Bill snorted. "I'm taking you to clear intruders out of my territory. Sorry, but there are still only so many enemies I'm willing to inflict you on."

"Hoo, flattery," said Gkika, managing to strike a pose and hand shrimp to Barry and Nikola at the same time.

"Oh, not in the slightest."

"Hyu let us know if hyu feel like inflicting us on anyting in future," said Gkika. She picked up a piece of shrimp of her own and crunched it without removing the shell. "This vas fun."

"It was," Bill said. "...And tastier than most of the things we end up eating on the road."

"Not effryday you find giant shrimp," said Gkika. "So vot haff hyu been eating?"

" _Not squid,_ " Barry murmured, just loudly enough for Nikola to hear and crack up. 

"...Vot's so bad about sqvid?" Khrizhan asked, sounding baffled. 

"The last ones we encountered had been marinating in sewage," said Bill. "Um, let's see, the electric ants were pretty good actually, as long as you cut out most of the electrocytes, but the skunk deer were _awful_."

"Ve ate electric frogs vunce," said Gkika. "Tangy."

Khrizhan nodded. "Ve did haff to avoid bits of de electric eel-bears, though."

"I bet those could hold a lot of charge," Barry said thoughtfully. "They sound good, though."

"Voz a long time ago or ve'd find hyu vun," said Khrizhan, grinning.

"We could probably come up with a decent copy, especially if you remember who made them. ...Although I don't know what we'd do with them besides eat them so there are probably more interesting projects."

"Oh good," said Nikola. "You realized that much faster than with the plan to bring back live trilobites." 

"Keep on about that and I'll try starting a rainbow shrimp farm instead." 

Nikola looked at her plate. "...Do you actually want me to stop or not?"

"We put some of the roe aside," Barry told her. "Just in case."

"Hyu could send some down the tunnels," said Gkika. "Hy bet the monsters vould like them."

"Only if they promise to eat all of them," Bill said. "Hey, do you know how long those sand lobster things have been running around the Gobi? The ones that actually taste like sand?" 

Khrizhan did not remember sand-flavored lobster things in the Gobi and thought they might be new. Barry maintained that they had been inclined to hide from footsteps (and also that they were derived from scorpions, Bill, lobsters don't bend that direction) and were unlikely to be found by an army that wasn't hungry enough to dig up half the desert for food. They eventually settled on asking Zog if he had ever encountered any back when the horde was smaller. 

The conversation turned to other strange creatures everyone had eaten on campaign, drew in some of the younger Jägers, and finally -- much to her own consternation -- sent Nikola fleeing back to the tent to swallow hard and try to think about anything other than the memories of a particularly slimy fungus (which she had eaten _just fine_ at the time) that were overcoming the effects of Gkika's ginger tea. She managed to shoo a concerned Gkika back to the fireside only for Barry to slip in as the general left. 

"I hate this part," Nikola grumbled. "Since when am I _squeamish_?" 

"Maybe the kid's going to be a picky eater," Barry suggested.

"That's ridiculous." 

He grinned at her and came over to kiss the back of her neck. Nikola was torn between feeling this was an absurd time for it and admitting it was, in fact, distracting. "I know."

"And now we've left Bill alone with the Jägers." She _shouldn't_ need to mediate between the Heterodynes and their Jägers, but she couldn't help suspecting she _did_.

"I think they can probably cope with him," Barry said solemnly.

"I hope he doesn't think he's going to gross _them_ out."

"We are not quite _that_ clueless, thank you." 

Nikola smiled, then stretched and went to sit down on the bed. "You can go back out, you know. I'm fine."

Not altogether surprisingly, he followed her. "I don't know, I thought maybe I'd stay with you and enjoy the illusion of comparative privacy."

She laughed and leaned into him. "In a tent surrounded by Jägers."

Barry breathed in her ear, "Who are slightly less likely to interrupt than the Castle." 

"Okay, that's actually a--"

"Hoy! Nikola! Master Barry! Hyu should come listen, ve gots _poetry_!" 

They looked at each other and it was possible that the Jäger who'd batted at the tent flap wondered why they were laughing like hyenas. 

"I have," Barry said when he could breathe again, "the _worst timing_." 

"Don't be silly, we've met people with much worse," Nikola said, tugging him up. "Come on, then, let's go listen to shrimp poetry."

* * *


End file.
